Education can have great value, but it must be desired to have any use. Find things that enchant, delight and are useful in your life and encourage your children to do the same. Report cards are only meant to show where an individual is during a grading period - it is not meant as a punishment when marks are bad, but an indicator where things need improvement, good grades equal strength to be reinforced. Negative reinforcement will only lead to negative results. I took great pains to stop the abuse I had underwent with the hope its practice will never be continued - it stopped with me! I can only pray it does not pick up again from my lineage forward.

What needs to be reinforced and passed down for all generations is mutual love and appreciation for each other and each other's kindred. I have personally witnessed and experienced to my deepest depths the negative influences that can tear families and individuals apart - and the near impossibility of repairing the damage caused by it. I urge you to respect one and the other, including yourself. Everyone has a talent, and if everyone uses their talents to reinforce their own and those around them, its strengths will carry each through and as a group - good times and bad. No one should ever be left behind or discarded. But each has a responsibility to the others in that group as well themselves.

As to raising children within a family, it should be imparted to each child to respect the other. That through mutual admiration, there is a great strength that is in place when needed. However if one tears down another than that individual ultimately tears down oneself. The families and individuals therein who succeed are those who use their talents - including extended families for each other and one another. Think of it this way - some of the richest families in the world worked together as a team - all shared in the wealth, all did well and all were there for each other. No small part was ever less, no greater part was greater than the rest

Now we come to differing generations within a family. It would be hoped that parents embrace and promote future generations to do better than generations past - including their own - this is true evolution. You don't become less because future generations go forward on your efforts, you actually become greater in your own right by doing so.

However, don't expect your children to follow your path, no matter how great it worked out for you. The question you need to ask yourself is what path you took that was different from your parents - and why. Apply that philosophy to the next generation. By biological nature, there are going to be some similarities, but there will also be some differences. Some traits will come through, others will be buried, possibly to remerge in a future generation. As a parent, applaud the differences - give consideration that rather than a child flying on your coat tails, they prove themselves worthy by doing it on their own power. If they were forced to hang on to your coat tails and your time had come to an end, they would go down with you, unable to take flight on their own. Your job as a parent is as a gentle guide, much like a bird that cares for its young, then encourages the young to fly on their own. You need to act as an encouragement rather than a discouragement. If you are jealous of an offspring or siblings' success, possibly to the point of putting up road blocks - eventually the damage comes back to haunt you in your own failures.

My father did not like the successes of my brothers nor myself - and he worked hard to stifle those of my mother. He wanted all of to be less than, because he failed at dreams he kept to himself. His abusive nature only encouraged discord between my brothers and himself. Literally he worked hard to stunt the growth of his own children. Many people never considered our home a place of gathering because of the strife he caused his own siblings and their observation of those he caused towards his own. In the end, he died alone. He had chased away anyone who could care - including his own children. I remember getting to my parent's house a few moments before EMS arrived to carry him to the morgue. I didn't cry - he had caused me a lifetime of tears by his abuse. Mine was a sense of curiosity and of relief, he couldn't hurt anyone ever again. Its sad I had to take this position concerning my own father - but its all I had left to give.

Dan followed in my father's footsteps as it concerned the world around him. Dan felt the planet and its inhabitants should circle him - any thoughts that differed from Dan's was cause for ridicule and punishment. Anytime he felt that someone would potentially outpace him, was cause for Dan to find ways to destroy the growth - he had so little personal self-esteem. I remember Dan's funeral. Beyond his bizarre death clothes was the earrings Dan wore and his bald head, it was almost a dark comical sight. I felt sad looking at him. The gathering consisted of the usual relatives, but only one former friend chose to appear, and only for a moment. A close friend of his from high school knew of Dan's passing, but never appeared. I had a feeling there might have been a falling out between their early years and Dan's death. I chose a moment when Mark and I were alone at Dan's casket to make an observation before others arrived. Dan had been a heavy smoker - to the point that the morticians were unable to remove the nicotine stains from Dan's fingers. Granted, that may seem a little crude at first glance - but I was trying to get my younger brother to stop smoking by pointing out that if his fingers were so embedded with the stains, just think of what it did to his lungs. Dan was in his mid-forties when he passed away. Subconsciously Mark may have picked-up his smoking habits from Dan.

That brings up my feelings about smoking and drugs. Even in our pre-teens, Dan and I knew that cigarette smoking could trigger cancer. I personally have met people with emphysema, throat cancer and those who ended up using voice boxes because their cancer rotted out their throats. I can tell you from firsthand experience, it is a gruesome sight. Go through it and you'll wish you'd never picked-up that first cigarette - however by then, its too late and there's no reversal. On drugs, there are many who end up overdosing into death. There was a young comedian named John Belusi who was extremely successful in his career - he had it all. John was a known addict, so that's where a major amount of money went - to support his habit. He died in his thirties - what a waste of his comedic talents. While John was able to pay his drug bills up to the very end - many people are not so lucky. Once hooked, a junkie will resort to anything possible to achieve another fix - even to the point of committing murder. Oftentimes a true junkie will resort to over-leveraging on his credit with the pusher, unable to pay his tab. The pusher ends up having the defaulting junkie murdered. Junkies get their start by pushers extending free samples until the individual is fully hooked, then the pusher starts charging more and more - to the point of whatever the market will bear. The junkie will sell anything up to and including his or her own soul to get that last fix - ending up with no family, no real friends, jobless and living in boarded up houses, and more likely under bridges smelling like hell, until he or she dies by a bullet, or their own gagging smell. Anybody who offers you free drugs is not a friend, but a future supplier hoping to make a buck on your misery - think differently, and you are your own fool.

Over-indulgence of alcohol is another sure way to misery. While we all enjoy a drink now and then, too much too often will do more then melt a few brain cells. Like drugs it will eat up your paycheck to the point where you can no longer pay the mortgage or the rent. If you have a spouse or children, they will suffer your boorish behaviors - that will not endear them to you, it will drive them away. Sadder yet, if they follow in your footsteps into their own failures in relationships and life. I've seen so many people literally taking a wreaking ball to their own lives, destroying any chance for lasting happiness - and again, literally living under a bridge. Kerry Kimbrell was a radio station time salesman. Now its not unusual to share a drink with a client. However, Kerry's problem became he couldn't stop drinking. When Kerry left GCC Communications, he went to work as a promoter for the Beck Center and Lakewood Little Theater. Kerry had some marketing success, however, his drinking habits started pouring over in bizarre behavior. One was tearing out a wall in his office at the center. There was already a recording studio that doubled as a control room during performances. However, Kerry wanted his own personal studio. First, Kerry was far from being a carpenter. Second, Kerry never got permission from the center's head nor directors to tear into the walls. Because of that and other problem behavior caused by his alcoholism, Kerry was given the boot. Later Kerry bought time on WCLV FM, a classical arts station. He wanted me to act as the recording engineer, gratis. He had home recording equipment, and wanted to produce there. I tried desperately to talk him out of it. First, the acoustics of an average room are rarely conducive to a proper sound field, often resulting in distortion or an overly bassy sound. One also picks up other voices and everyday sounds that does not sound very professional. Second, home recorders generally have four tracks, most professional recording equipment has two tracks - between each track is a space that keeps the left and right channels separate. Using cheap bargain tape worsens the problem. Kerry simply wouldn't listen. Now if one does not work for a studio, I could understand the ignorance - however, Kerry had no excuse! We recorded the show against my better judgment and no one previewed the tape on professional equipment before it went to air. I listened in on the show, it was awful - unintelligible filled with pops, clicks and the unmistakable sounds of a tape that had not been properly bulked erased. I was beside myself for my involvement, and anything Kerry produced was never allowed on WCLV's airwaves since. Kerry's home by all consideration should have been condemned or red-tagged by anyone's account. I stayed overnight one time in a front bedroom his kids usually used. They were out of town. The floor had some serious structural concerns, shifted at a slight angle. The bathroom floor looked ready to cave-in. As a matter of fact, the kitchen ceiling below looked like it had been badly patched on many occasions with a slight downward bowing. That is highly dangerous! After that one experience, I never stayed overnight again. Another problem is Kerry would get so drunk, he would pass out in mid-sentence. One time we were in his basement office, and he had been drinking heavily, he passed out with his feet on the desk at an angle, and in the process, the chair tipped over sending him to the floor. I quietly got up, went upstairs to inform his wife and left - there simply was nothing I could do. The final straw between Kerry and I was taking him to a realtor friend where he tried borrowing some money, the friend refused and Kerry was desperate. He finally talked me into lending him $250.00, that's all I had left in my account until next pay day. He pledged to pay me at the end of the month - after two years, I only saw $90 come back to me, and two decades later, I never saw another penny. I'm still waiting, however, I signed our friendship off those two decades since. Post note to this story, a few years ago, I talked to a friend of his wife. She got tired of his antics and finally divorced him. Their kids are grown, and his wife got the house in the settlement - Kerry eventually died from cirrhosis of the liver. I'm hoping he found help before his death and turned his life around, but like most people he screwed for drinking money, I never wanted to see him again - there was no trust.

Like my first cousin Kenneth William DeJean, Kerry had pretty much alienated everyone who knew him, even his own children. Next time you hoist one too many and wake-up with a hangover - its food for thought.

On bringing new children into the world. Prenatal care is extremely important - as a matter of fact, its highly essential - I simply cannot stress that enough! When you become sexually active (male or female), aside from the vitamins you should be taking an additional dose of "FOLIC ACID" every day! I do not want to see ANY of my offspring going through what I have and continue to suffer! If I'm a little more concerned about this subject, I have every right to be! My mother was born in the depression years of the 1920's-1930's. She was born at home. Her parents could not afford prenatal care. Leading up to the birth, her mother did nothing to fortify herself in her eating habits before, during pregnancy and after my mother's birth - leaving her with Vitamin Resistant Rickets. My mother not knowing any better and my father being an idiot, didn't consider Folic Acid or prenatal care when my brothers and I came along - Dan (deceased), Mark and I were born with Vitamin D Ricketts as a hereditary condition. My parents stupidity in not addressing this matter before and after our births boggles my mind. They should have stopped with Dan, but they didn't, they should have stopped having children when they had me, but didn't! My mother continued to exacerbate (knowing full well what would happen) the problem and having Mark in her affair with George. Simple procedure mom, get your dammed tubes tied! Thankfully after Mark, she finally did. Having lived through what I had and bringing up the issue with Jason's mother, I encouraged her to have prenatal care - taking her to the appointments - and begging her to take extra doses of FOLIC ACID, it worked, we stopped the Vitamin D Resistant Ricketts right in its tracks! However, I don't care how many generations that come...male or female...DURING YOUR CHILD-BEARING YEARS, TAKE YOUR MULTI-VITAMINS & AN EXTRA DOSE OF FOLIC ACID!!! It doesn't matter if you are trying to conceive or not, things happen by accident...and it could be too late...DON'T PUT YOUR CHILDREN THROUGH A LIFETIME OF LIVING HELL OF A BIRTH DEFECT...EVER!!!

Of everything I've written both in the biography and this chapter, the one paragraph I've written above is the most important...I Am Not Kidding!!!

Whew...lets move on...